I’ve been holding back on actually publishing a post since I first created this wordpress account. I kept thinking about the way my writing “should” sound and how much effort I actually wanted to put into this blog. What’s most problematic is that I was worried about what others would think about me and damn. that makes me feel so bad for myself! Why does that even have to be a concern when I wanted to do this for myself? Here I am, feeling super inspired by other people’s stories and creating lists of topics I could write about and then I suddenly stop to recognize a heavy wave of insecurities and I freak and then just end up closing the wordpress tab just as I’m about to start a post.
Tonight I took my first leap. I realize it’s healthy to push yourself to do new things, especially if you’re the only one at risk. I am excited to share my story with you all and keep a record of my experiences. Although I feel skeptical at times about government surveillance, potential employers stalking me, and just the mystery and depth of modern internet entirely, I think I should make the most of a time period where I have access to the technology available. I don’t sound like I’m 100% convinced of this blog thing yet, but like I said, I think it’s important to do new things.
I grew up obsessing over cute stationary sets (i.e. Lovely White) and writing about my day starting with the misspelling of my intro:”Dear Dairy“. A lot of us probably wanted those diaries that had a tiny lock on them or maybe wanted the one with a voice code for when your little brother tries to break into your private diary. I remember seeing commercials for that one on Saturday mornings haha. Even as a 20-something-year-old, I like to collect pens and I currently still write in a journal that I received as a holiday gift. I kept a written journal when I studied abroad in 2014 and that’ll always be a treasure to look back at because I was able to include other physical things like polaroids and bus tickets.
Let’s be clear, this blog will never replace my love for writing in journals. And it’s clear there are a lot of pros and cons to both. Journals are private. Blogs are more accessible and take up less physical space. I dunno, I guess there’s a certain euphoria or satisfaction that comes with having a physical copy of your memories. My generation has become so digital and I feel like I’m doing a little extra when I want to print off photos at Wal-Mart or use actual scissors to cut an image out and paste (with glue) it into a book of papers. It takes longer than the easy ctrl c+ctrl v – but WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY DELETED EVERYTHING. Gosh. that is one of my worst nightmares. All in all, I am trying to live a hybrid life with my writing and memories. I’m glad I have options! -PCL